i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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