he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
