You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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