Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
