I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
