Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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