It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
