After last night, I could never be a politician.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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