So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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