Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
