We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
