we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
