Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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