Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
