A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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