I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
