The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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