If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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