Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
