Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
