how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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