foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
