some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My dick has a subreddit
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
