i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
