People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
