I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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