He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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