Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
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His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
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My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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