And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
