come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
