the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
