Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
