Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
