i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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