If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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