is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
