I miss vodka workout Fridays
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
