He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize