if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
