so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
