you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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