meet me or not, i'm out of control
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
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you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
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My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
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