one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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