I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
