I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
