it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
