Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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