wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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