I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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