The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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