I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
