I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
