Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
