I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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