69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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