I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
