but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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