The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
