My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
