you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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