my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
