at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
