I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
