I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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