god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
