I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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