roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
