oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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