Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
