on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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