It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
