After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
