this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
