i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
