dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
