That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
