so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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