i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I would ride that face into the sunset
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
