you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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