i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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