you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize